The Duality of Morality

I am learning to become less reactive. Reactive in that I often have the urge to fix things that don’t concern me and are an unnecessary drain on my mental resources.

I had an hours-long consultation with a client last night. We had met before, but over the phone she was clearly working through some things that had bubbled to the surface at a most opportune time (sarcasm, probably). 

I get a lot of folks who need help with interpersonal matters—often involving a romantic partner. Usually they’ll ask for one of two things: 

“How do I make X want me?”
“How do I make X suffer without me?”

It is never my job to judge the ‘why’ of a client’s theoretical spiritual process. I don’t deny or forbid anyone who wants to try, because energy cannot be gatekept. Instead, I prefer to coach them on the projected cause and effect of their actions, and any associated personal taxes that go along with it. The rest is on them. But anyway, I digress.

This client chose Option #2: make X suffer.

After hearing their story and really feeling the righteous indignation—nay, RAGE—behind their words, I decided that they needed my help. Because, without discipline and control, this kind of unbridled emotion often yields regrettable, irreversible outcomes.

I identified with this person because I am a byproduct of the same system. The indignation, the rage, the subjugation, the oppression, it’s far too easy to relate to, and far too easy to feed. It reminds me of the “Two Wolves” parable. Who wins? The one you feed, of course.

Ideally, we acknowledge the angry wolf, hold space for it. The kind wolf, the one representing peace, joy, all that fuzzy stuff, is the one that most would prefer to feed. At least, if they were asked that question in front of a live studio audience.

But in our own minds, humans are a bit more nuanced. The angry wolf shouldn’t starve, either. He’s the one who reminds us not to be tried, tested, walked over, disrespected. He reminds us that some respect should be earned and dignity should be preserved. 

Feed them both. Kindness is an active process. We purposely engage with our frontal lobes to put forth the image of kindness to others. It takes deliberate effort, hence feeding that wolf more. 

And the angry one? Midbrain, lizard-brain, amygdala wolf? He doesn’t need as much. Most of the stuff he does is passive and automatic. In most cases, he is self-limiting (except in cases of trauma, which is another story). Just let him vibe, really. Hold that space. 

And if you do have a trauma wolf, take his ass to the vet.

Balance is so important. It has been part and parcel of human existence since the year dot and people still refuse to accept that multiple things can be real at once. “Absolute truths”, “one correct way”, “the only righteous path,” all these superlatives are meant to divide and control and destroy. 

So I leave you with this:
Stop telling each other how to live.
Scrolling is free and easy.
Stay within your pocket sometimes.
Your wolves will thank you.